My baby's 6 months old now. It's incredible how time flies!
But I had thought that by now I'd have it all together. Instead I still feel disorganized and not quite confident enough to take baby out for much more than an afternoon-long shopping trip. Is this normal? Have I been expecting too much of myself? Have I been taking it too easy? Or should I be stepping up the effort somewhat and get life back on the track I was used to? Is that even possible now that I have a child? Right now I can't imagine getting up in the morning and getting myself and baby ready so that I can go to work for the day, then getting home and seeing him just long enough to give him a bath and get him to bed. It's only another short 5 1/2 months before that happens!
The question is, will I ever feel like I've got it all together again, or should I expect to always feel slightly out of control from here on out?
Mamas (and non-mamas) out there in blogland, please give me some insight. I would really appreciate it.
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9 comments:
I can totally see that about motherhood! You prepare for nine months by being careful about what you're eating, getting lots of rest, and staying away from bars, or clubs or late night parties that you might have previously frequented (not you, of course;-).
Then the baby arrives, and you're practically shut-in for the first 3 months or so - especially if your baby is born in the winter - as was yours. You start getting out a little more over the next few months, which lands you at 6 months and in a panic over what's to come!
I have no answers as I'm not a mama, but you can cry on my shoulder whenever you need to! The challenge of going back to work will undoubtedly be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do - but you'll get through it! Enjoy the rest of your leave - and yeah, maybe getting out more now will help you to feel like one day you will get control back over your life!
If you need help with this, I'm available for shopping trips evenings and weekends - you know where to find me!
Love ya!
K
I'm pretty sure life feels out of control from here on out. That's one of the biggest things I've noticed since I joined the ranks of motherhood, I think partly because I'm a bit of a control freak at times, or at least I've been called "anal retentive"... not sure which one is worse.
Sometimes, like today, by the time I'm getting out the door I'm wondering why I even bothered and if it will be worth the effort! I'm usually glad I did it by the time I get home though, despite having left a couple non-life-threatening things behind.
I'm definitely learning to be more spur of the moment, relaxed, and carefree. Babies definitely teach you to stop and smell the roses... that's every single flower... and leaf... multiple times...
Also, despite all the long trips that we've done with Jonah already, I'm still already anxious about our upcoming July trip. Will Jonah be OK in the van? Will he eat the foods in restaurants or the food they are serving at camps? Will he become totally and utterly sleep deprived? Will I go crazy living out of various little hotel and camp rooms while Glenn is off playing his bass? Will I have access to a fridge for storing soy or homo milk? I'm such a worrier. Why can't I just look forward to all the fun moments!?!? Besides, people survive in much worse conditions than 15-passenger vans and hotel rooms!!!
I say, take the plunge baby! Live with no regrets! That's one thing that Glenn has taught me!
You and I have a number of similarities Sherri. At work, me and the handful of the guys I work closely with all laugh at how anal we are. We've got the right job for it, at least. And control? Yeah, I prefer having control, at least as much as I can get or handle.
I feel ya on the second post, for sure. I'm a detail person, and I can get so hung up on the details. Like not sleeping for a week because I couldn't figure out how to move my furniture around so that I could paint one wall of my bedroom. You didn't write it, maybe because you've done it a couple of times already, but one of my first worries would be how to get everything packed and fit into the car etc.
i.e. I've been thinking over what it might be like to bring Miles to Cleveland. I'd probably need/want/have to get a hotel room. If I arrive there on my own, how would I get everything into the room? Would I bring Miles in first, then leave him in there alone to make multiple trips to the car, or would I leave him in the car and bring all the stuff in? I don't like either of those choices and haven't thought of another way yet, so I'm not likely to make the trip.
I'm sure if I asked Courtney the same question he'd say, "You wouldn't have to do it alone baby, I'd be there. I wouldn't let you do that alone." Courtney simplifies things for me. :)
okay chickie. . here's my thoughts. . being a mom and a grandma gets you to a certain place in your life where you've been through just about EVERYTHING there is! and there's not much you haven't done, thought, said or gone through!!!
Babies come to you, so babies must adjust to your life. . I had friends who when they began having their children let the children dictate the entire family's lifestyle. . .big mistake! The things we loved doing, we didn't stop doing. . if we wanted to go hiking, baby/babies came along hiking! if we wanted to go to the drive in. . the babies and children came along!!! of course everything's much more difficult at first when they're little. . the stuff you have to cart around to take care of them, phew! its exhausting. best thing is they don't stay little long and before you know it, your 'freedom' comes back in small increments, until before you know it, they're adults and they've moved out!!!
My best advice for you is to plan for what you can plan. . but be FLEXIBLE and learn to roll with it, and above all ENJOY every single stage with your child!!! don't wish any of the time away, by thinking, 'oh, if i can just get to the point that they can do 'x' or 'y'. . then i can relax.' ENJOY them now and every step along the way. . As for work. . maybe part time is the way to go for you? I did part time from the time my girls were infants (Lindsay was 6 months old when i started working and KK was only 4 months old). . i worked evenings, that way i spent all day with them and missed very little 'parenting time' with them. Working evenings sucked, but it sure helped my kids and we didn't have as much $$ from the time the kids were babies till they were in high school. . (which is when i started working full time!!!) but the girls never had sitters, never had to go into day care and i have all the memories with them, i saw all their 'firsts', me, not some day care worker or sitter! i went on the school trips, i volunteered at their schools. It was awesome. Not everyone can do this now, in fact, very few can -- our society has made it difficult for parents to stay home with their kids, but I'm sure that you will explore your options. . modified full time? flex time? perhaps working from home such as I do. . or working from home at times, going in at other times. .
anyway, you know that its not easy, and its wonderful but can take so much out of a person! Mothers are STRONG people! Anything is still possible with a child, just a lot more work goes into it!!! ha ha!!! Will you ever feel like you have it all together?? not friggin' likely, but you'll have times where you feel pretty close!!!
Thanks Kathy - more great things to take into consideration.
Just so y'all know, this is one job that feels quite natural to me. I know I'm going to do okay with it. I, of course, just want to do the best job that I can, and I know that I can and do learn a lot from watching and listening to other people.
So keep your ideas, experiences and opinions coming! I'm soaking it all in! :)
i will never be a mom and thats pretty great for me.......saying as im a guy but i know that my mom had a weird time with me, depression, agoraphobia etc etc
i have such respect for how she handled 3 sons and my dad......muc respect to moms in general
Tracy: As you know I have never been a mom nor will I ever be a mom, but an Aunt I am to many. I see and watch you with Miles and you are doing a fantastic job. Motherhood certainly suits you well. As Krista stated Miles came during the winter months making it much more difficult to get out and about.
Now with the nice weather coming upon us you will be doing many more outings. I am sure there will be lots over at Margs around the pool, park trips, and just generally out enjoying the fresh air.
As I have stated many times before if there is ever anything I can do to help please know I am there for you.
Keep doing what your doing and you and Miles will do just fine.
Lex
Hey Tracy,
I enjoyed your blog and the numerous comments on it! I've been learning a lot and changing a lot since having a baby too...
For me, I just have to take the plunge into stuff. Normally I over-analyze how everything will go (like getting groceries by myself - how do I bring them all in and carry Jed too?? We live in a apt. and park underneath) but I have found that things work out. It's way more fun to get out there and do stuff than to stay at home wondering if you can actually survive the day with a happy baby if you go out. We just went on an 11km hike on Saturday... it went well. If I had thought about it too long I probably wouldn't have gone.
When thinking about going back to work I put myself at ease by thinking "it's only part time..."
It's all worth it though hey? Babies are such a blessing.
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